(This post has nothing to do with Grace)
We've started making a weekly pilgrimage to My Fashion Secret (aka the Classy Goodwill). I can't believe the deals we've gotten there. New men's coat $2, Gap long and lean jeans $1, authentic UofM hockey jersey $5, etc, etc. The boys always want to go along and buy some cr..I mean toys with their allowance. Last week we bought the game Mousetrap-fun! ("You roll your dice you move your mice, nobody gets hurt"). While we were there I picked up a really cool looking folk art print of the nativity. I was going to buy it when I noticed something unexpected. Who was peeking out from behind the low stone wall along with the wise men and shepherds? Why it's Santa Clause! I had no idea he was there that night, did you? I didn't buy it, but now I wish I had. Maybe it's still there. Stacey and Melissa keep your hands off the Santa Nativity, it's mine!
Friday, September 17, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
I am constantly aware that many people have empty arms for many, many years. Some are never filled. My heart really does break for those mommies without babies. It breaks for people who have lost babies. This process (so far) has gone so smoothly and I am left awe struck with gratitude. We are so joyful, and so thankful for everyone that shares our joy. Should I feel guilty then, that I really miss Grace? That I ache to hold her in my arms, squeeze her really tight, kiss her chubby cheeks, smell her hair, watch her wrestle with her brothers and snuggle with her daddy? That I am jealous of the two years we've missed out on, or that I am starving for another picture of her, and desperate to do everything just right so that she can come home quickly? Am I being callous and ungrateful? After all we've only been waiting a few months- a very short minute in the typical adoption time frame. Or, did God place some of these feelings in my heart so that I can already love a baby I've never seen, who isn't kicking me from the inside, but is growing steadily in my heart? Should I tell myself to be patient, or should I quit scolding and allow myself to really ache for Grace?
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
o-r-e-o
Yesterday I found out that one of my children takes oreos apart and eat just the insides. Today I found out that before they eat the filling they roll several fillings into a ball and eat them. Weird.
Randomness in Detroit.
*We were successful at the fingerprint office today!!! One BIG step closer to bringing our little girl home.
*The security guards at the place gave Paul a hard time.
*The lady at the desk was less than thrilled that we came early but was accommodating. She said we'd not be able to cut in front of anyone with an appointment. Ten minutes later we where the only people in the place and we got fingerprinted!!
* I was so nervous about going in without an appointment last night that I ate 3 bowls of Lucky Charms. I SO violated the rules of the healthy eating challenge I am in. I drove by a Weight Watchers office in Detroit and thought I should go in to have confession. Paul thinks I am crazy, he was cool as a cucumber.
*My hands were shaking when I put the address into the GPS so I entered the wrong address which took us a crazy way through Detroit. Paul was very patient when we realized we were at the wrong address and had to re enter it. I had to do deep breathing exercises. He asked me why I was so stressed. I told him I was working really hard not to stress, and he said "So, you are stressed about not stressing?"
* We saw a man driving a lawn mower down the road as if it where a car. I hope he was sober.
* Detroit is beautiful and ugly at the same time. It intrigues me. I love the architecture of the beautiful brick buildings, but they make me sad because they are empty and all the windows are broken out. The church buildings are breathtaking. I heard on the radio today that Detroit has gone from a city of 2 million to under 800,000 in the last fifty years. I would love to have seen it back in the day. It must have been something else. I wanted Paul to show me around Detroit, he declined.
*He did take me out to eat at a really cool Thai restaurant in an old brick building. It was delicious. I wanted to go eat Chinese to celebrate the successful fingerprints, but we didn't know of any good Chinese places to eat.
*After our successful fingerprints Paul asked me why I never believe him when he tells me not to stress, that it will be fine. I told him that cognitively I did trust him - I kept telling myself it would be fine, that God is in control, that His timing is perfect when everything goes as I would have it AND when it doesn't go my way. But I still acted like a total loon. I need to work on that.
*My awesome friend Mary schooled and watched my boys today, and they had a great time with her kids.
*The security guards at the place gave Paul a hard time.
*The lady at the desk was less than thrilled that we came early but was accommodating. She said we'd not be able to cut in front of anyone with an appointment. Ten minutes later we where the only people in the place and we got fingerprinted!!
* I was so nervous about going in without an appointment last night that I ate 3 bowls of Lucky Charms. I SO violated the rules of the healthy eating challenge I am in. I drove by a Weight Watchers office in Detroit and thought I should go in to have confession. Paul thinks I am crazy, he was cool as a cucumber.
*My hands were shaking when I put the address into the GPS so I entered the wrong address which took us a crazy way through Detroit. Paul was very patient when we realized we were at the wrong address and had to re enter it. I had to do deep breathing exercises. He asked me why I was so stressed. I told him I was working really hard not to stress, and he said "So, you are stressed about not stressing?"
* We saw a man driving a lawn mower down the road as if it where a car. I hope he was sober.
* Detroit is beautiful and ugly at the same time. It intrigues me. I love the architecture of the beautiful brick buildings, but they make me sad because they are empty and all the windows are broken out. The church buildings are breathtaking. I heard on the radio today that Detroit has gone from a city of 2 million to under 800,000 in the last fifty years. I would love to have seen it back in the day. It must have been something else. I wanted Paul to show me around Detroit, he declined.
*He did take me out to eat at a really cool Thai restaurant in an old brick building. It was delicious. I wanted to go eat Chinese to celebrate the successful fingerprints, but we didn't know of any good Chinese places to eat.
*After our successful fingerprints Paul asked me why I never believe him when he tells me not to stress, that it will be fine. I told him that cognitively I did trust him - I kept telling myself it would be fine, that God is in control, that His timing is perfect when everything goes as I would have it AND when it doesn't go my way. But I still acted like a total loon. I need to work on that.
*My awesome friend Mary schooled and watched my boys today, and they had a great time with her kids.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Why Big Families Might Be Easier
I thought this was a cute article. I don't agree with everything it says, nor do I mean it to be a slight to small families, each has its benefits.
Why Big Families Might Be Easier
by Matthew Archbold Thursday, February 04, 2010 8:29
A woman said to me recently that my five children were very well behaved. It’s one of the best things I can hear so I thanked her. Then she asked me “how do you do it with so many?”
I told her that I don’t think I’d be a very good parent of one child or two. She didn’t believe my answer but honest to goodness, I sometimes think that having many children is easier than just one.
Why big families are easier:
Patience. I never have to teach patience. My children know that I can’t drop everything for them if I have a baby in my arms.
Work Ethic. My children have learned to work because there are always chores to do in a small house packed with little messy lunatics. And they all learn quickly that sometimes they have to clean up a mess even though they didn’t make it.
Humility. My children have learned it’s not always their turn. They’ve accepted they can’t always get their way because other people have to get their way sometimes. They’ve learned that some children are better at certain things than they are.
Foreign language skills. You can learn a lot of Spanish by watching ten years of Dora the Explorer that you just can’t pick up in two. And now with the Diego spin off I’m practically fluent.
Laughter. The children have learned to laugh at the insane non sequiturs of younger siblings. They’ve learned that laughing just feels better when seven people are doing it along with you.
Competition. Do I really need to go into this? Everything is a competition in big families. The children compete over who reads faster, who drinks their milk faster, who gets to the bathroom first…etc. Everything is a competition and they’re all keeping score.
Balance. The floor of the front room of my home is a minefield of toys and childhood paraphernalia. Just walking through the room requires great skill and balance. I’m absolutely convinced my two year old will be a favorite for Gold on the balance beam in the 2016 Olympics. (She might have to lay off the cookies a little but I’ll deal with that later.)
Life isn’t fair. Sometimes you just give it to the baby because you want a little quiet. Not all the time. But sometimes.
Just say “No.” Being able to say “no” may be the most undervalued skill in this world. The need to be liked is pervasive. The need to be cool even more so. Having brothers and sisters teaches children to say “no” about 143 times a day. It’s a good skill.
Praying. They learn that nothing beats praying together as a family.
Nature/Nurture. Having many children has taught me that nature has a lot more to do with who my kids are than nurture. This is helpful, especially when your children misbehave you don’t have to feel bad about it. Just say “Stupid nature!!!” and blame your spouse’s genes.
Namecalling. You can occasionally call your child by the wrong name and still not be considered a terrible parent. They know who you mean just from your tone. Sometimes if you need something done you can call the wrong name and someone will still show up. That helps.
Spying. My children have learned that they can’t get away with anything. I have spies who look a lot like them who are willing to drop the dime on them for anything. Even at school I’ve got a child in just about every grade. If they do something I’ll hear. That keeps them nervous. And I like keeping my kids a little nervous.
Friendship. The children have many friends. They’ve got girly friends, crying friends, fun loving friends, consoling friends, and crazy friends. And they all have the same last name. And they’ll be there forever for each other. No matter what.
Love. I think my children have learned to love because there are others around them to love and who love them. I honestly can think of no better way to teach children to love than siblings.
Why Big Families Might Be Easier
by Matthew Archbold Thursday, February 04, 2010 8:29
A woman said to me recently that my five children were very well behaved. It’s one of the best things I can hear so I thanked her. Then she asked me “how do you do it with so many?”
I told her that I don’t think I’d be a very good parent of one child or two. She didn’t believe my answer but honest to goodness, I sometimes think that having many children is easier than just one.
Why big families are easier:
Patience. I never have to teach patience. My children know that I can’t drop everything for them if I have a baby in my arms.
Work Ethic. My children have learned to work because there are always chores to do in a small house packed with little messy lunatics. And they all learn quickly that sometimes they have to clean up a mess even though they didn’t make it.
Humility. My children have learned it’s not always their turn. They’ve accepted they can’t always get their way because other people have to get their way sometimes. They’ve learned that some children are better at certain things than they are.
Foreign language skills. You can learn a lot of Spanish by watching ten years of Dora the Explorer that you just can’t pick up in two. And now with the Diego spin off I’m practically fluent.
Laughter. The children have learned to laugh at the insane non sequiturs of younger siblings. They’ve learned that laughing just feels better when seven people are doing it along with you.
Competition. Do I really need to go into this? Everything is a competition in big families. The children compete over who reads faster, who drinks their milk faster, who gets to the bathroom first…etc. Everything is a competition and they’re all keeping score.
Balance. The floor of the front room of my home is a minefield of toys and childhood paraphernalia. Just walking through the room requires great skill and balance. I’m absolutely convinced my two year old will be a favorite for Gold on the balance beam in the 2016 Olympics. (She might have to lay off the cookies a little but I’ll deal with that later.)
Life isn’t fair. Sometimes you just give it to the baby because you want a little quiet. Not all the time. But sometimes.
Just say “No.” Being able to say “no” may be the most undervalued skill in this world. The need to be liked is pervasive. The need to be cool even more so. Having brothers and sisters teaches children to say “no” about 143 times a day. It’s a good skill.
Praying. They learn that nothing beats praying together as a family.
Nature/Nurture. Having many children has taught me that nature has a lot more to do with who my kids are than nurture. This is helpful, especially when your children misbehave you don’t have to feel bad about it. Just say “Stupid nature!!!” and blame your spouse’s genes.
Namecalling. You can occasionally call your child by the wrong name and still not be considered a terrible parent. They know who you mean just from your tone. Sometimes if you need something done you can call the wrong name and someone will still show up. That helps.
Spying. My children have learned that they can’t get away with anything. I have spies who look a lot like them who are willing to drop the dime on them for anything. Even at school I’ve got a child in just about every grade. If they do something I’ll hear. That keeps them nervous. And I like keeping my kids a little nervous.
Friendship. The children have many friends. They’ve got girly friends, crying friends, fun loving friends, consoling friends, and crazy friends. And they all have the same last name. And they’ll be there forever for each other. No matter what.
Love. I think my children have learned to love because there are others around them to love and who love them. I honestly can think of no better way to teach children to love than siblings.
A Public Service Announcement
Yesterday I mailed some documents to the Chin. Consulates, today I mailed a grant application to Show Hope (Steven Curtis Chapman's organization). We've made numerous trips to our local P.O. Yesterday the lady asked if I was adopting because I didn't want to go through the pain of labor and delivery again. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've only given birth twice (Will and Ben where a two-for-one). Neither time was a bad experience at all. Now being sick to my stomach and throwing up for three months each pregnancy, I could do without. But, adoption is definitely not the easy way out. Especially for those who are organizationally-challenged control-freaks as I am. The paperwork is unreal, and it has to be perfect. You aren't supposed to remove any staples, and I am stressing because the Secretary of State in Tennessee removed a staple and re stapled a document. I was supposed to mail my Show Hope documents in a 8x11 in envelope, but the guy at the post office insisted it needed to be in an express mail envelope, now I am stressing over that. I need to let those things go, in the long run they aren't a big deal, they can hold up the timing of this adoption, but ultimately God is in control. Our finances and budget have been gone over with a fine tooth comb by our adoption agency, the Chin. govt., our home study agency, and each of the grant applications I apply for. We've been questioned numerous times about our faith, our parenting styles, our reasons for adopting, and our marriage.
I am not complaining, I understand that this is done for the safety of the children being adopted, and that is a good thing. And what we get in the end, a precious child, is worth every single hassle, just as having morning (all day) sickness was worth it!! I would do both again 1,000,000 times! Since the fall, there is no easy way to have a child. I just wanted to give a PSA about what not to say to a prospective adoptive parent. Especially one who, unlike us, has dealt with years of infertility before deciding to adopt.
I've only given birth twice (Will and Ben where a two-for-one). Neither time was a bad experience at all. Now being sick to my stomach and throwing up for three months each pregnancy, I could do without. But, adoption is definitely not the easy way out. Especially for those who are organizationally-challenged control-freaks as I am. The paperwork is unreal, and it has to be perfect. You aren't supposed to remove any staples, and I am stressing because the Secretary of State in Tennessee removed a staple and re stapled a document. I was supposed to mail my Show Hope documents in a 8x11 in envelope, but the guy at the post office insisted it needed to be in an express mail envelope, now I am stressing over that. I need to let those things go, in the long run they aren't a big deal, they can hold up the timing of this adoption, but ultimately God is in control. Our finances and budget have been gone over with a fine tooth comb by our adoption agency, the Chin. govt., our home study agency, and each of the grant applications I apply for. We've been questioned numerous times about our faith, our parenting styles, our reasons for adopting, and our marriage.
I am not complaining, I understand that this is done for the safety of the children being adopted, and that is a good thing. And what we get in the end, a precious child, is worth every single hassle, just as having morning (all day) sickness was worth it!! I would do both again 1,000,000 times! Since the fall, there is no easy way to have a child. I just wanted to give a PSA about what not to say to a prospective adoptive parent. Especially one who, unlike us, has dealt with years of infertility before deciding to adopt.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Finally a little news!
We received notice to have our fingerprints taken in Detroit. We don't think the date given will interfere with Paul's work travel, but we are still going to try to get in early. The sooner we are fingerprinted, the sooner we get our dossier finished, the sooner we get to travel to get Grace. Thanks to everyone who prayed! We still could use prayers that we will find favor with the Detroit USCIS office and they'll let us get fingerprinted on Wednesday. Then, we scramble to get some more paperwork completed and then wait some more. I think I would walk over burning coals right now to see a new picture of Grace. I keep scouring the Internet for a picture, but so far no luck.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
wo ai ni mommy
http://www.pbs.org/pov/woainimommy/
Did anyone happen to watch the PBS documentary last night about Chinese adoption? It was about Faith, who was adopted at age 8 from China. Paul and I watched together and I am still processing it. It was very well done, but parts of it were almost excruciating to watch because you feel so badly for her. She had a really tough time leaving behind all that was familiar and learning to live in a new place. It's a must see for anyone adopting internationaly, especially an older child.
Did anyone happen to watch the PBS documentary last night about Chinese adoption? It was about Faith, who was adopted at age 8 from China. Paul and I watched together and I am still processing it. It was very well done, but parts of it were almost excruciating to watch because you feel so badly for her. She had a really tough time leaving behind all that was familiar and learning to live in a new place. It's a must see for anyone adopting internationaly, especially an older child.
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