I Heart Face October Challenge: Friendship

These two warm my heart. Grace has not just one, but four amazing big brothers. They all love her so much, as I've mentioned many times before. But she and Joe have this special bond. They are such good friends. They light up whenever they see each other and truly love to spend time together. He takes time to play with her and helps her whenever she needs it. I grabbed them both the other night (they were the only two that would cooperate!) because the sky was absolutely amazing and I wanted to get some pictures. I let them just be themselves and I got SO many good pictures. Some time I'll share the rest. Here is one of my favorites.


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Sunday Snapshot: Another School Year

It's that time of year again!  We started back to school the day after Labor Day (love that about Michigan!) After much serious prayer, thought and angst (on my part) we felt that the best option for our family (though I know it's definitely not for everyone) was to homeschool our kids again this year, including continuing with our twice a week Tapestry Faith Community Homeschool. One week back, and I am very pleased with our decision. It works well for our larger-than-usual family. Our kids get an education based on faith and tailored to their own needs. Twice a week (full days from 8:15-2:30) they get to have the school experience; with other teachers, kids, homework, and responsibility. I love our co-op. It is very academic, and intense. The teachers are excellent and so devoted, and they love my kids. We start each day with corporate prayer, and it blesses me to no end to hear the young people come before the Lord so earnestly. I am teaching two history classes and facilitating an Institute for Excellence in Writing video class. Sam is playing football this fall, we have roller hockey, homeschool ski lessons, and Karate on the calendar as well, but I am trying to pace us so we don't get too busy.  With all of that, church, neighbor friends, and the service activites we plan to do as a family, we are busy and our kids get plenty of opportunities to be social (just in case anyone is worried about them.  haha)

We actually have a photographer that comes out and takes pictures of our kids at co-op. But, as I look for any opportunity to have a photo shoot with my kids I took these last week. I haven't been able to snag Sam and Joe and get any pictures of them yet, but hopefully I will soon. Will and Ben are wearing the outfits they picked out for the first day of school. Hope you all have a great school year!

Grace and Dad

Grace 3 (almost 4) Preschool

Will - 3rd Grade

He got a mohawk this day.

He is all of the sudden obsessed with playing hockey.

Ben - 8 - 3rd Grae

He is so funny!

They earned knock-off swiss army knives by doing this.


 

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I Heart Faces September: Summer Fun

When I think of summer fun, the picture in my mind looks much like this picture I snapped of Will, happily paddling around the pond. My all time favorite family activity involves a campfire, swimming, and fishing in the pond. We all miss this so much during the L-O-N-G winter months when the pond is frozen solid.

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Free!!

I love the hymn, Come thou Fount of Every Blessing , my favorite verse says:

O to grace how great a debtor 
 daily I'm constrained to be! 
 Let thy goodness, like a fetter, 
 bind my wandering heart to thee. 
 Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, 
 prone to leave the God I love; 
 here's my heart, O take and seal it, 
 seal it for thy courts above.

I love the paradox of the Gospel, that the only way to be really free, is for my heart to be fettered to God by his goodness and grace. It has taken me years to finally give all of my heart to God. I wanted to know Him and love Him, but I loved my other masters too much, and as Scripture says you can't serve two masters.

My first cruel master was loving the approval of man more than God. That master led me into the dark waters of sinfulness, shame, and harm so deep that I almost drowned. The irony was that man will let you down every time, and God never does. But I still preferred man.

My next jailer came in the form of fear. Fear locked me in solitary confinement and left me delusional. I honestly preferred to cling to this master because I was terrified of what would happen to me or my family if I gave all of myself to God with abandon. So rather than giving all of myself to God (who owns it all anyway) and walking out of prison and into God's goodness, I held tight to my fears; living in a dark sad state.

And finally, I was a slave to pride. I think this may be the most dangerous master. Pride gave me enough rope that I almost didn't know I was enslaved. Pride drove me to do all I could to look good on the outside, so that I, and everyone else, could think I was okay. Pride taught me that the only thing I needed God for was to help me be more organized, a better wife, mother, teacher, thinner (ha!) because I was already a really good person. Pride made me think more highly of myself than others. Pride taught me to love doctrine more than I loved the One who gave it. Pride made me angry at my children, thinking their behavior was a reflection on me.  Pride twisted the Scriptures to read how I wanted them and allowed me to ignore the rest of them. Pride made me more concerned with a person's morality than the state of the their soul. Pride made it okay for me to go into debt in order to have all the stuff I "needed" to keep up appearances. The irony here was that I knew I wasn't good enough. I could only keep things going for so long before everything would come crashing down, and I would despair. But my frequent cries to God were always, "Please help me do better!" Not, "Please take everything." Pride numbed me to the Holy Spirit's leading in my life. Pride made my earthly home more important than my eternal one.   Pride gave me just enough rope and religion for me to hang myself, and I almost did. I was a hypocrite and a pharisee. And Jesus' strongest words were not for the sinners, but for the religious.

BUT I am such a debtor to grace. By God's grace I can honestly say that sitting on a bench outside of Sam's school a few weeks ago, struggling greatly with many things, I finally prayed and surrendered all of me, and everything I own and love, no matter what. Paul and I prayed later telling God we would do anything He asked of us. Like the apostle Paul, I want to be a bond slave to Christ, and in becoming a slave, I am now free, and it is amazing. God's grace, waded into the dark waters of my sin and dragged me out.  Grace held my hand and led me out of the prison of fear. Grace loosened the ropes of pride that were just about to choke the life out of me. I did absolutely nothing, Jesus had already paid for all my sins on the cross. God enabled me to believe and give him control.  The old me so wanted help God out, to be able to point to a time in my life when I "turned from sin". But God did it all. I cannot take any credit. And I am free now, and it is wonderful!

I am a debtor to God's grace DAILY, every. single. minute. I am prone to wander, prone to leave the God I love. Please let Your goodness like a fetter bind my wondering heart to You, Lord. Here's my heart Lord, I beg you to take and seal it, seal it for your courts above.

I Heart Faces August Photo Challenge: Pet Faces

A Girl and Her..... Hermit Crab? This month's I Heart Faces Photo Challenge is called "Pet Faces".  I love these challenges, and the others I receive from my photography classes and online groups.  I thought of taking pictures of McKenzie, our adorable, naughty, Scottie Dog.  But she has been very busy digging in our yard, and we are getting ready for a huge yard sale/benefit at our church so time was short.  I almost forgot about our other, much more compliant, pets- our hermit crabs.  Grace and the boys are fascinated when they actually come out of their homes.  Here is a picture of her watching one them crawl around.


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Sunday Snapshot: Baseball

At least one of our boys has played baseball every summer for several years now.  This year has been a challenge, driving back and forth between our town, and where we are staying for the summer to make it to the games, and having 4 boys on 3 different fields every night.  But, it's been great fun for Sam.  He loves baseball and he has been working so hard at his tutoring.  We are very proud of how hard he is working and the progress he has made.  Paul is coaching Will and Ben's team.  I can't believe the improvement I've seen in these kids since the season started.  Here are a few pics:

I love that Ben lets Grace sit on  the bench with him. What a sweet brother!

Ben:


Will playing first base:


The twins after a game:


Future T-Baller?


Joe Batting:


Should I title this one, "Please, no. Not 5 kids in sports at the same time!"  Haha


Sam, doing what he loves:




Coach Daddy: He's still got it :)



And because I love these pictures so much:



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An update on us and some very random pictures from a meaningful summer.

Back a few months ago I posted about how Paul and I have been praying that God would radically change our hearts, and I think I expected to post in a few months how we were adopting again, or selling our home and moving to India, or something really cool like that. :) While I have nothing quite so fun to post, there has been change, and God has continued to pursue our hearts and shake things up and while we still don't know exactly where this is going, we know we want our lives to count for eternity, and we are excited about that.

The changes in our lives really began before Easter. Around the time we first began reading the book Radical our beloved pastor was dismissed by our elder board (who we love and respect as well.) I was livid at first. I was sure that the elders were wrong and that their goal was to water down the messages on Sunday mornings and become a "seeker sensitive" church. (I don't know where I even got this idea, but I was SURE I was right.) Two of the elders were gracious enough to meet with our small group a few days after the announcement that our pastor had been let go was made. They sat in my living room, and I fired the question that I had been formulating in my mind for days, "I believe the purpose of the church (not the body of Christ, but the institution and especially Sunday morning services) is to equip the saints, and then the saints are to go out and reach the lost. What do you believe to be the purpose of the church?" And one of the elders said to me (paraphrased), "Historically the church has focused on equipping the saints, because it's easier. But, our first calling is to reach the lost - per the great commission."

And then my heart started pounding, and my palms began sweating, and I knew God was getting my attention. I don't remember ever before having a moment where I physically reacted like that, but it's happened to me at least 3 more times since then. In church on Easter Sunday I wept, and actually went forward at the end to speak to the same elder because I knew I had been wrong. I have never gone to the front in church before, I don't even know that there was an alter call, but I went forward anyway - I think Paul was worried about me :). While I still believe that the church is to equip the saints, I knew that was as far as it was going we me and my family. We weren't doing that second part of reaching the lost at all. I had been taking the awesome teaching I heard on Sunday morning and I don't know what I did with it. (Actually I had been to very few Sunday services last year - I had been teaching the preschool class second service - and sleeping in rather than going to first service.) It must not have penetrated to my heart.  Since then every book I've read, every sermon I've listened to and every piece of the Gospel I have read have confirmed all of this.

And then more changes:

Our church split. And one of my best friends, along with several other dear friends left the church.

There has been an amazing group of people forming at our church with a heart to reach the people of the world in very desperate circumstances, that is a good change!

One of my other best friends is moving out of state.

God called Paul's Grandpa home.

God seems to be calling us to stop homeschooling at some point, possibly next school year. I can't believe how this change has rocked my whole identity.

The boys and I are spending most of the summer living with my gracious, awesome mother-in-law so Sam can attend tutoring 4 hours a day 5 days a week. This is awesome, but it's costing our family in every sense of the word.

And finally, we are dealing with heartbreaking issues with one of our children that I can't talk about on here.

I let things affect me too much, so maybe my reaction is wrong. I don't want to complain, I know not all of these changes are bad, we are quite blessed! But all of this change has still left me feeling humbled and empty, and somewhat depressed. It's been a good exercise in dying to self. I am at the end of me and part of me wants to hold on to what is left of my time, my money, my photography, my pride, my identity, my security, (mine, mine, mine..... you get it). with every thing I have in me. The other part of me knows I need to hand everything I have to God with open hands, it's all His anyway. I think this is a good place to be right now. When we are weak, He is strong. This is really what we prayed for. To be radically changed. God changes and uses broken people. The situation with our child has left us both broken and humbled. 

So after all this I was still not sure exactly what God wanted from us, but I was open. Wednesday I was begging God to show us where he wanted us to start and the verses that I have read and read, over and over again, and even memorized came to me:

Matthew 22:35-41 35 One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

And again, shallow breathing, heart pounding, and palm slapping forehead. This is the most basic thing every Christian should be doing. But were we? No. I think we are finally now moving towards loving God with everything we have - we still have a LONG way to go. But we don't love our neighbors. We love the neighbors on one side of our house dearly, but we pretty much ignore the rest of them, or worse look down our noses at them. Sure we love our friends and family (even the heathen do that, right?). But the neighbors on the other side of our house, the ones in the tiny town we live in, the neighbors the slums of Saginaw and Flint just a few miles away, and those in desperate need globally - we don't love in any way shape or form. In fact we pretty much go out of our way to avoid most of them.  How did we miss this?

So this is where we are.  All I know for now, is that I am to love God and love my neighbor. We still don't exactly know our family's mission- we still are pleading with God to draw us nearer to His heart, but I we are trying to open ourselves up to where God is leading us, and not stand in His way.

  Bless you if you read all of this. I feel compelled to share it, especially with my friends and family because I know I've been very distant lately. If I haven't seemed weird to you it's because I am faking it. I am weird. :)

**I am editing this to add that along with Radical by David Platt I highly recommend the books, 7 by Jen Hatmaker, and Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker and Barefoot Church by Brandon Hatmaker. These books will challenge you deeply.  I am getting ready to read the book, The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, I can't recommend it yet, but it looks good!

Here are some random pictures from our meaningful summer: My nephew Evan and my parents came to visit us, and we went to the Creation Museum. We had a wonderful time!



Jumpin' Joe



Will with my parents

Ben tending the campfire

Evan and Joe

The kids in the pond

Grace with some balloons leftover from a photo shoot I did with my neighbors

This photo of Sam and Great Grandma Baynes is from April, but totally worth sharing. They love to watch the Tigers together.

Father's Day Then and Now

In 2005 Paul worked overtime and saved every penny to buy me a nice dining room set, and he bought himself a leather rocker recliner. We had both always wanted one to rock our babies, but we never had the money until then. He wanted me to get a picture of him with the boys in the recliner on Father's day. We've taken one every year since then. Finding and posting all of those pictures would require more time and energy than I have at the moment, but here is the first picture, taken in our living room in Tennessee in 2005 and the most recent picture, taken this year in our living room in Michigan. The photographer in me is cringing at the quality of photo number 2, but I'll just say it was a stressful moment, but we really wanted to get the picture.

Favorite Photo Friday: Some Pictures from our Weekend

We have celebrated the 4th of July with our next door neighbors for the past three years. We always swim in our pond, cook out, and do our own fireworks. One year we even had a family volleyball game. We all look forward to it and decided that since our family would be in South Lyon on the 4th, we would celebrate on Saturday night instead. While Paul and Dan were making their annual trip to the fireworks stand, Nikki and I watched the kids swimming in the pond. One of Paul's co-workers gave him a little row boat, and the kids have had so much fun with it. Here are a few pictures of the kiddos swimming and on the boat. I plan to get some portrait style pictures of a few unsuspecting victims children in the boat tonight. :)

Grace on a raft.

Love that I captured Ben's signature look of concentration in this photo.

Will rowing the boat

The twins and Chase

I actually caught all 8 of them together at the end of the night. Playing the color game.

Sam rowing Makayla



Somehow I took 100s of pictures but never got a good one of Paige or Joe.


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