Scars

I shouldn't be blogging today but I needed to get this up before I forgot it, as I so often do. Paul took the kiddos to a water park with his parents so that I could have time to plan. I started my planning weekend immediately by clearing out the bottom drawer of our filing cabinet in order to store some school stuff there. I had basically stuffed all of our adoption paperwork into the drawer for safe-keeping while we all adjusted to life at home. Today I began the job of sorting papers and other things into files and albums, etc.

I have the wonderful gift of a memory book from Grace's orphanage and in the pictures a younger Grace looks familiar with her radiant smile-so-big-her-eyes-disappear. Then I found the pictures from her passport, Visa and adoption decree. The look on her face broke my heart. Now that I know her I recognize the pure misery and terror in her face. I remember them from "gotcha-day" I still see those looks every now and then. I thought, "What did we do to that poor child? She was perfectly happy before being yanked from everything familiar." While I KNOW she's better off now and doing so very well, there are scars. Scars that had to occur for things to get better. Like the scare on her back from the surgery that made her healthy, she'll always have these scars, but they had to occur.

I really like things to be going my way. I like happiness and children who get along, and for things to be neat and pain free. I spend too much time worrying about what could go wrong. I need to be reminded often that whether I like it or not sometimes things have to hurt in order for them to get better. Sometimes they hurt a little, and sometimes they leave scars, whether external or on our hearts. Once again I'm thankful for a Savior who understands. Thank you Lord that by YOUR stripes WE are healed. Thank you for taking up the cross. Please give me strength and courage to take up mine.

James 1: 2-4 NIV
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Isaiah 53:5 KJV But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.